Helping a Friend in a Toxic Relationship
How do you tell your friend that you think they’re in a relationship that will just hurt them? Should you just be quiet? Or should you give them your two cents? Aaron and I talk about our past relationships and how we were able to survive the toxic relationships we’ve gone through.
Things to do when confronting a friend:
1) Choose the Right Time and Place.
Find a suitable setting where you can have a private and uninterrupted conversation. Ensure that both of you have enough time to talk openly without feeling rushed.
2) Be Honest and Direct.
When you address your concerns, be honest but gentle in your approach. Express your observations and feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding judgmental or confrontational. For example, say, "I'm concerned about you because I've noticed..." or "I feel worried because...".
3) Listen Without Judgment.
After sharing your concerns, allow your friend to respond and share their perspective. Listen attentively and without judgment, respecting their thoughts and feelings. Give them the space to express themselves openly.
4) Respect Their Autonomy.
Ultimately, your friend has the right to make their own decisions, even if you disagree. Respect their autonomy and avoid pressuring or forcing them to follow your advice. Let them know that you will be there for them regardless of their choices.
5) Maintain Open Communication.
Assure your friend that they can always come to you for support or to talk about their relationship. Keep the lines of communication open and continue to be a caring and non-judgmental presence in their life.
Remember, while it is important to express your concerns, ultimately, the decision rests with your friend. Your role is to be a supportive and caring presence, offering guidance when needed.
“There are certain lessons in life we cannot learn unless we go through them. ”
Next steps?
1) Educate Yourself.
Learn about the dynamics of toxic relationships, signs of abuse, and the impact it can have on a person's well-being. This knowledge will help you better understand your friend's situation and offer appropriate support.
2) Express Concern and Validate Their Feelings.
Let your friend know that you care about their well-being and express your concerns regarding the toxicity in their relationship. Validate their feelings and experiences, emphasizing that no one deserves to be mistreated or abused.
3) Encourage Self-Reflection.
Help your friend reflect on the relationship by asking open-ended questions that prompt them to evaluate their happiness, self-worth, and long-term goals. Encourage them to consider whether the relationship aligns with their values and whether they deserve better.
4) Maintain Boundaries.
While it's important to support your friend, ensure that you set healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being. Recognize your limitations and seek support from other friends, family, or professionals if needed.
5) Stay Connected.
Continue to be there for your friend, even if they choose to stay in the toxic relationship. Remind them that they are not alone and that you are there to support them whenever they need it. Keep the lines of communication open and offer a listening ear without judgment.
Remember, supporting a friend in a toxic relationship can be complex, and each situation is unique. Encourage your friend to seek professional help and empower them to make decisions that prioritize their safety and well-being.
From Episode 131 of Adulting with Joyce Pring: “Helping a Friend in a Toxic Relationship”